Success Undefined

The occasional skim, a rare few posts, an annual profile update―I’m definitely what you’d describe as an inactive LinkedIn user. Yet, the same thing happens anytime I decide to log on. I see my former colleagues or classmates who’ve recently been promoted or raked up an impressive score of skills or designations in a short period of time, leaving me feeling less than.

It becomes glaringly obvious to me that I’ve stayed at the same level in my industry for the last five years, at least. But what I fail to remember is that I’ve actively chosen to be where I am. Why? Because I’m a parent. And not just a parent, but one of two young kids, of which my eldest just finished kindergarten.

There will always be opportunities to advance in my career, if I want them. And you ‘re never too old to learn something new. But those early years and sweet moments with your baby, your toddler, your preschooler―you’ll never get that time back.

It’s ok to end work at 5 p.m. sharp every day, knowing you’ll get to spend that extra hour playing with your kids before they eat a quick dinner and head off to bed. It’s ok to completely tune out your job on weekends and focus entirely on your family and the fun activities you’ll do together. It’s ok to go a few years without taking a single course or scaling back on your volunteer commitments. None of those things make you unsuccessful or less ambitious than the next person―they make you human. And aren’t we all just trying to find that work/life balance?

To the working parents who get down on themselves on occasion or whose career hasn’t quite gone as planned: you ARE enough, and you have so much to be proud of. Just by making that incredibly difficult decision to work while raising kids is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. And to the ones who’ve still managed to climb the ranks and further their education―mad props and respect to you, because I know how hard it is.

I’ll end with this quote, because success doesn’t have to fit in this perfect little box, nor does it look the same for everyone.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

10 Reasons to Smile

Like most people out there right now, the COVID-19 pandemic has me on edge. I’m worried for my loved ones; I’m exhausted from watching my kids 24/7; and I’m constantly figuring out ways to keep my family happy, healthy and sane.

If I’m going to get through this trying time, I know I need to stay positive. So today, to lift my spirits (and maybe yours too), I’d like to share 10 reasons I have to smile, in spite of a scary and uncertain world in front of us.

1) The people I love are doing just fine. The most important thing I have to remember is that the people I love are healthy and safe. This past Monday, my parents flew back from Hawaii, and I can’t even express the relief I felt after hearing that they made it home okay.

2) I get to spend quality time with my husband and kids. With John’s new routine of working from home, we get to eat all our lunches together as a family. We also dedicate one hour each morning to John and the kids. Whether this involves him watching cartoons with Audrey or giving Gavin extra cuddles, everyone is happier for it.

3) Local businesses have my support every week. Since this pandemic started, I’ve committed myself to supporting small businesses. I want to do everything in my power to keep them afloat. Once a week, I plan to order take-out or delivery from some of my local favourites including Suda Thai, Life Italian Restaurant, La Patrona and Curds N Gravy.Com. I also ordered some beautiful earrings online recently from a cute Saskatchewan based company called Newborn Feathers―I highly recommend it! In early May, we have an outdoor family photo shoot scheduled with Viewpoint Photography (another gem).

4) My community cares. Last week, while I was walking with my kids, I noticed that the sidewalks close to home were covered with positive messages in chalk such as: Do Good, Keep Smiling, Thank you to our front line workers, #StayHome and #SocialDistancing. I also spotted artwork in windows with similar messaging. It truly warmed my heart!

5) Reading has become a priority again. Let’s be honest―when you have kids, there’s no spare time for activities that require your full attention. But since we’re being asked to stay at home, there’s more opportunities for me to dig my nose into a good book.

6) My inner teacher has come out, and it’s kind of fun. Daycares and preschools have been closed indefinitely, which means I’ve had to learn how to homeschool my daughter, and fast. Is it challenging? Absolutely. But at the same time, I’ve really enjoyed crafting, creating and discovering with her. I’d also like to say―teachers are HEROES!

7) Technology keeps us connected. I’m an extreme extrovert, so let me tell you, this whole social distancing thing has been HARD. That said, I’m surprised at how energized I’ve felt and connected with others I’ve been through FaceTime, phone calls, group texts and social media.

8) John and I still have jobs (for now). First, I want to express my deepest sympathies to anyone who has lost their job due to plummeting oil prices or the inevitable recession caused by this virus. I feel for you, and I’m here if you need anything, even just a chat. John and I are lucky to still be employed, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how grateful we are.

9) Our civil duty is to stay home, not fight a war. When you word it like that, it really puts things into perspective. I can’t even imagine the sacrifices our grand and great grandparents made for us during war times. Is it really fair for us to complain about staying in the comfort of our own homes for awhile?

10) Canada is united in its efforts to beat this pandemic. I have never felt more blessed to live in Canada. I feel like the political leaders in our country have put aside their differences to get everyone through this pandemic, and our public servants have done an amazing job of keeping everyone healthy and safe.

So there you have it―an easy list of all the things that are keeping me smiling. And now I challenge you to do the same. Trust me, it takes no time at all, and it will make you feel a thousand times better than you did five minutes ago.

Meant to Be

Everything happens for a reason.

I’m not usually one for clichés, but this statement has never held more true than it does at the present. And perhaps my belief in it is just my way of coping, though I don’t think it hurts any of us to look at the positive side of a situation and seek “life lessons” in our experiences.

With Christmas approaching, I’m feeling particularly thankful for my beautiful family and the recent addition that came along at the end of August. For a long time, I wasn’t sure a second child was in the cards for me, and truthfully, 2018 was one of the darkest years of my life, after suffering a miscarriage and also finding myself out of work for an indefinite period of time.

As a look into my son’s bright eyes, I know he wouldn’t be here without a series of events that had to happen. If I had carried the baby I lost to full-term, I never would have welcomed Gavin into our family. And because Gavin was born when he was, I was able to find an amazing job at a company I love, working amongst a group of awesome and talented people.

I also look at the sweet bond that is forming between Gavin and his big sister, and know a lot of it has to do with their four-year age gap. Was it what I had planned? No – but in so many ways, it has been an absolute blessing.

So if life isn’t turning out the way you had imagined, I encourage you to take a few moments to reflect – because I guarantee you good things are coming your way and that there’s an infinite number of reasons you have to be grateful.

My dearest Gavin, this post is dedicated to you. I never want you to feel like you were an afterthought or the one that is filling a certain void in my heart.  You were meant to come into our lives exactly when you did, and we are so happy to have *YOU* in our family. Love always, Mom.

Photo credit: @bquinnphoto

 

I Hear You

In light of mental health, and to encourage others to be brave with their emotions and experiences, I’d like to share a story of my own that’s personal and heart-wrenching at its core.

This past December, I was two months pregnant, and so excited at the possibility of expanding my family. No sooner than that excitement started (it seemed), I suffered an early miscarriage. Right. Before. Christmas.

In my mind, I had two options: wallow in grief and be miserable during the holidays that I typically love so much, OR try my best to deal with my struggles and enjoy Christmas with my family.

I chose the second – not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to for the sake of my daughter and husband. I knew it wouldn’t serve any of us well if I didn’t do everything in my power to stay strong.

So what did I do? I had a good week where I kept mostly to myself and my husband, and then I spent my evenings safe at home, crying.

But after that week passed, I truly got tired of being sad. I started opening up to the people closest to me – friends, co-workers, family – anyone who would listen and understand. And once I started sharing, I was surprised at how relieved I felt. It was unexpectedly therapeutic. I also couldn’t believe how many other women had been through the same experience as myself, and went on to have healthy, beautiful children.

I guess the point of my story is that as people, we aren’t made to suffer alone. And sometimes, all we need is for one person to LISTEN, and to hear our story.

I know for me, it has helped me tremendously to heal. And while I’ll never be 100 per cent “over” my loss, I know I’ll be ok.

So today, I want to let all my loved ones know that I hear you. And I’m here to listen, no matter what the topic may be, if you ever need to talk.

 

Solidarity

After a particularly humiliating shopping trip with my two-year-old on Sunday, full of screaming, floor-rolling and all around bad behaviour, I’ve been inspired to reach out to my fellow mamas and send a little love.

To the Moms:

Who have felt the glares cast upon them in public as they struggle to contain their child, temporarily possessed by some kind of demon,

Who keep Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol or anything Disney running on their TVs for more hours than they care to admit, knowing it will keep their child happy and sane,

Who order take-out at least once a week, are entirely mediocre at cooking and have introduced their child to McDonalds before a year old,

Who feel guilt every time they drop their child off at a daycare or dayhome, or who feel a different kind of guilt for choosing to stay at home and set their careers aside,

Who have yelled at their child on occasion after reaching their absolute breaking point,

Who believe in a spank across the bum or a light tap on the wrist to get through to their child and let them know that what they are doing is NOT acceptable,

Who took a child-free vacation with their spouse or partner, just to get some much needed time to themselves or to rekindle the romance that fades quickly after kids,

Who have made a parenting choice that the Internet has deemed “controversial” or “wrong,” but that was the best possible decision for their family,

Not only do I respect you and admire your strength, but I stand with you.

Sincerely,

A part-time blogger, full-time communications professional, loving wife and proud mama to a sweet toddler, who doesn’t have her crap together most days, but tries anyways ❤

Dangerous Comparisons

As parents, we’ve all done it—whether out loud or in our silent thoughts, we’ve compared our children to others. Even though we know it’s wrong, it’s like the world we live in sets us up to make constant comparisons.

Whether it’s the array of contradictory articles online, the unsolicited advice we receive from a certain friend or family member or the “trusted” and often conflicting information we get from medical professionals, there’s always some sort of milestone, either behavioural or physical, that our child should be reaching. And as our child grows to become an adult, the focus shifts to things like scholarly achievements, career advancements and physical capabilities.

Unfortunately, those innocent comparisons we make can be incredibly detrimental. It’s something I’ve had to remind myself of every day, especially when I’ve felt particularly insecure about my daughter and her progress in this first precious year of her life.

Currently, my sweet girl is 11 months old, and I’m so proud of how much she has grown and learned in 11 short months. That said, I would be lying if I denied having ever compared her to other babies, both her age and younger.

My daughter is quite advanced in her fine motor skills, with an impressive vocabulary for such a little thing! In terms of gross motor skills though, like crawling and walking, she seems to be a bit behind the curve (or as much as my educated guess would have me believe).

Deep down, I know that all babies develop at different rates, and that I have nothing to worry about. Yet, I still feel this need every so often to compare. The problem is, if I don’t have faith in my daughter, how is she supposed to build any kind of self-confidence?

Even though I’m not saying it aloud, she can no doubt pick up on the vibes I’m transmitting. And as her mother, it’s my job to be her biggest cheerleader, no matter how I’m feeling on the inside.

When the inevitable time comes for peer pressure, low self-esteem and even bullying, I need to be that strong role model and confidante she can trust. I need to be that steady person in her life who she can count on for unconditional love, support and encouragement.

If it’s not crawling or walking, it will be something else. That kid in her math class may be able to solve problems with ease while she struggles to figure out basic times tables. On the other hand, with her above average height, she may succeed at sports like basketball, while her peers avoid them like the plague. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, all of which make us unique and awesome.

This post today is a little reminder (mainly to myself), that I have a daughter who deserves to be loved and accepted for exactly who she is. And no matter how big or small, I should be celebrating and recognizing her achievements as they come.

 

 

No Judgement Here

Yesterday, I came across an excellent article titled, “Mind Your Own Womb.” With each word I read, my heart sank a little bit more. While I haven’t experienced those types of struggles (or not to that degree), I know enough close friends and family members who have. And I know how important it is to think before I speak – in any situation.

Still, the article had me thinking about some of my own choices and how they may affect others – in particular, my choice to have a strong and visible online presence. This includes my sharing of stories, experiences and most notably, photos, through various social media platforms.

Here’s the thing. I’m a writer, a professional communicator and a storyteller. I love to draw people into my world through my words and photography. I often post pictures online of my daughter, mainly for my family to see as she grows and develops. I enjoy writing online about my experiences as a new parent, mainly because I want to start a conversation and seek advice from other more experienced parents.

That said, none of these choices make me any less aware or considerate of the fact that there are women out there who struggle with fertility issues or face their own unique challenges in regards to having/not having children. I wanted to make this clear, in the case that I have offended anyone through my online actions.

From my end, there is absolutely no judgement when it comes to women and their decisions about children. In return, I kindly ask that you don’t pass any judgement on me for how I choose to express myself creatively, either through my writing or photography that I share online. I think we can all stand to be more kind and accepting of each other.

 

 

 

 

Fitting It All In

If I won a million dollars tomorrow, I’d likely spend the money on a new house, car, trip around the world or unpaid debt. But before any of those, I’d hire a full-time cook, house cleaner and nanny.

Why? Because I can’t seem to get my life in order. Since having a baby, I’ve found it hard to accomplish even the most menial of tasks, like showering or getting dressed. And while I’ve never been a Type A person that has my checklist of to-do items, I’ve put more pressure on myself than ever to be productive.

I suppose the reason is that I don’t have work (in a professional sense) to focus on, so once I’ve finished my regular motherly duties, I can’t help but notice the stack of dirty dishes, pile of unfolded laundry and empty pantry shelves surrounding me. As much as I love time with my daughter, there’s nothing more frustrating than having a whole day pass by without completing the tasks I started or without leaving the house as intended.

My best friend recently gave me some great advice. She said: “For that first year as a new Mom, keep your expectations low. Pick a small project each day, and make it your goal to finish it. And feel good about it when you do.”

Maybe I just need to change my outlook. Maybe choosing sleep over a shower this morning was a good thing. Maybe my house is more organized than I realize. Maybe two outings a week with my baby is plenty, and something worth celebrating. And maybe the friends I haven’t seen in ages are fully understanding of the fact that I’m busy at home with my little one.

At the end of the day, I’d rather skip a shower, miss a social gathering, have a messy kitchen or eat takeout food if it means I get to spend more time with my daughter, catering to her needs and making her happy. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget what’s really important.

To all my Mom friends out there, new and seasoned, I encourage you to share with me how you “fit it all in” and find balance in your lives. I’m all ears!

 

 

 

Keeping You

“Your life will completely change after you have kids.” – Advice of  many wise parents –

Agreed. One hundred per cent. You’ll love like you’ve never loved before. Your priorities will shift as you focus on keeping that little human fed, rested and cared for in every way. Your schedule (as you knew it) will never be the same. And most importantly, you’ll become selfless, because you have to be.

I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, because I love my daughter so much. Though, my one hope in all of this is that I don’t lose myself while putting so much time and effort into another human being I adore.

I want my sweet girl to grow up knowing exactly who “Mom” is, understanding the many layers to her personality, and knowing that it’s perfectly normal and awesome for her too to develop into her own unique person.

Last weekend, I went out (on my own) for the first girls’ night out in ages. My wonderful husband babysat while I took some time out with friends. We ate, we boozed, we laughed, we danced and we had a time – one I won’t forget for awhile.

That night out was exactly what I needed. It reminded me that being a Mom doesn’t mean giving up on who you were before you had a baby. Today, in writing, I want to share with my little love who her Mommy is:

Dramatic, weird and funny all at once,
Strong, intelligent and brave,
Sweet, kind and accepting,
That girl who blasts her favourite rap tunes loudly in her car and dances to them,
One of those people who watches terrible reality TV,
An avid wine and beer drinker,
A fan of Timbits, sushi and lemon garlic shrimp pasta,
A lover of travel, culture and worldliness,
Passionate about photography and the capturing of special moments,
A writer who loves to create an experience with her words,
Someone who values her friends, family and husband above anything else.

My dearest Audrey, this post is dedicated to you. As the years go on, I can’t wait to show you who I am, and I’m even more excited to discover the person you become. Love always, Mom.

 

Photo credit: Blake Loates Photography (blakeloates.com)

Finding Joy

A few months ago, I was feeling pretty down at the prospect of trying to get pregnant. It’s not that I had heard bad news from my doctor, or that I had been working at it for an unusually long time, but it was the pressure I put upon myself, expecting everything to fall into place immediately, on my schedule.

Of course, that’s not how life works—a fact even I have to remind myself sometimes. The best advice I can think of (from a certain wise husband) is that there’s no sense worrying about what you can’t control. No truer words ever spoken, in my opinion.

As most of you know, and as I am thrilled to report, I am now pregnant—18 weeks as of Thursday! John and I couldn’t be more excited and grateful to embark on a new adventure and chapter in our lives.

That being said, the worry and anxiety (I seem to constantly struggle with) doesn’t stop here. From what I’ve been told, this is only the beginning. And if I don’t take measures now to manage my stress, it will become all-consuming.

The truth is, getting pregnant is just the first step. There are no guarantees my pregnancy will go smoothly, start to finish. Even when that time comes for me to go into labour, there could be complications or  health issues that arise with myself or the baby. Then, there’s that moment when I become a mother for the first time: “Am I doing this right? What does ‘right’ even mean?” And the never-ending list goes on.

But that’s no way to think about things. I know I need to stay positive for the sake of my my own well-being and that of my husband.

At the end of the day, no matter what the situation, it’s important to find joy in what is constant, what isn’t changing, what will always be there to bring you comfort and happiness.

It may be the unconditional love of your family, friends or spouse. It may be a hobby you’re passionate about, that never fails to put you in good spirits. It could be a job you adore, that inspires you to learn, grow and be the best you can in your field.

For all the people out there who are trying to conceive, to advance in their careers, to enrich in some way in their personal lives or in their relationships,  I encourage them to find joy in the present, to be content with what they have, and to celebrate the small successes each day that are 100 per cent within their control.

~ There’s always something to be grateful for ~ Anonymous